Family is important and your children remain your family even when they grow into adults themselves. How can you remain close as you grow older and your relationship changes? One important step is to remember that your children want respect as the adults they have grown into. Your attitude toward your child will need to change

Respect without Dependence

When parenting adult children, it’s important to have a relationship of mutual respect without dependence. You likely spent a majority of your parenthood trying to teach your child independence. Now that they are an adult, you want them to give you respect and you also need to show them respect as a grown person.

While your child may still come to you with problems or for advice, they should not depend on your to take care of them anymore. If the adult child has too much dependence on the parents, they will never be able to make it on their own as adults. It’s part of your job as a parent to teach them to be responsible adults.
Living Arrangements

What type of living arrangements exist with your adult child? If your adult child lives in their own home, the relationship will be less strained and will take on more of a friendship than a parent/child relationship as long as good communication exists. If your adult child still lives in your home, different rules will apply.
Your child will feel that they make their own rules and should be free to come and go as they wish since they are grown but you may have your own house rules that you want them to obey. If there are disagreements over the rules, conflict can ensue.

While it’s important for you to respect their individuality and the fact that they are grown now, your child should still respect your rules while living in your home. For example, if you say you do not want them having guests of the opposite sex spending the night, your adult child needs to respect this or discontinue living in your home.

To prevent complications, be sure to set ground rules before they move in (or if they never moved out after teenage years). Sit down and have a mature adult conversation about the rules and what will be expected of them while they are living in your home.

Friends and Other Relationships

It’s important that you have a mutual understanding with your adult child to respect one another’s choices in friends and relationships. Unless they ask for your opinion, you shouldn’t tell your adult child who to be friends with or who to not be involved with. You have to trust their opinion as an adult to make their own decisions about what is best for them.

On that same topic, your adult child should not try to tell you who you can be friends with or who you should be in a relationship with. If you choose to discuss your personal relationships with one another, there should be a level of mutual respect and there should be ground rules regarding what shouldn’t be discussed between child and parent.

Tips for Parents

Here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to parenting adult children:Respect your adult child’s privacy

• Respect their own moral and religious beliefs
• Be available but not overbearing
• Don’t give your opinions when they haven’t been requested
• Remain open communication so you both understand how the other feels
• Don’t allow them to be dependent on you
• Be supportive in financial situations but don’t help when you feel uncomfortable doing so

These tips and ideas will help you have a good relationship with your own adult child.